Thursday, September 10, 2009

Hello Scotland - day 1


Day 1: Planes, Trains and Egg Mc Muffins




mega lolz. I don't know if you can see but he's got "I Elliot ♥ Minor" written on his bag

Hello Glasgow! *snap*

Training it to Edinburgh - Vitamin Water and my Sidekick

Rockstar baby.

The greatest hotel I've ever seen

Gay pride arch

Posing in the hallway of the hotel

We were in love with our hotel




Outside HMV Picture House

Holidays!


It's impossible to sleep when you a) are excited about holidays, and b) have to be up for a flight at 4am. Debbie crashed in mine and helped me pack the night before we went away - neither of us got any sleep, we just sort of lay down for a few hours. (sidenote: gutted that, for some reason, Road Wars wasn't on) Up we get at 4am for a montage of hair extensions and whore-like makeup, on go the fabulous outfits and we're ready to go!


We arrived in the airport and herself made sure we were full of Mc Muffins before we went through. We spent the best part of 15 mins lol-ing at this poor bloke trying to pay with some expired coupon. He had the names of all sorts of hardcore bands like Elliot Minor scrawled across his schoolbag. And yes, he heard us cackling at his expense.


Give it up J.Lo! No one wants to smell like you!


Debbie made the MAC sales assistant snort with laughter when we walked by the new Jennifer Lopez perfume display. Debbie throws it a dirty look and goes "fuck sake! give it up J.Lo! No one wants to smell like you!" We drank our own weight in coffee and vitamin water before going to our gate too early and nearly ended up flying to some random country. We spent most of the queue getting glared at by a baby - actually the most impressive glare I've ever seen. The entire flight was a bit awkward considering the baby was sat in front of us and spent the journey glaring at us. Or more specifically, glaring at me. Also, airport pet peeve - I dislike when blokes don't put their dicks away before leaving the bathroom. No one wants to see your tiny shriveled knob - put it away for God's sake. Cue "bunch o' queers" as Debbie dubbed them, all coming out of the bathroom (knobs in hands) at once, strutting and drip-drying across the departure lounge. Gross.


r y a n a i r r e a l l y h a s g o n e d o w n h i l l


Ryanair fails at life these days. After I finally got my knees in behind the seat in front of me, I noticed they no longer have storage space to put magazines and crap. How depressing. Also, you now have to lasso the hostesses if you need something, and gone are the days of inflight reading material. One air hostess power-walked down the aisle with what I can only describe as what looked like the Aldi catalogue, and if you didn't stick your arm out in time, you weren't getting one.


We landed in Prestwick Airport, and trained it to Glasgow Central for some impromptu mirror posing with our sidekicks. Last year we made the mistake of getting the on the train to Edinburgh that had the worlds most stops in one train journey - and neither of us had anything to eat or drink. This year we made the same mistake train-wise, but we got snacks and Vitamin Water before hand. After a near-fatal incident involving some seriously gammy lookin' pigeons and Debbie's last nerve, we eventually got on the train to Edinburgh, after I figured out (smug face) what train station we were supposed to go to, using Quavers as a memory Jogger. (Quavers / Edinbugh Waverly.... get it? (mmm. they're floaty light )) Nothing makes a long and sweaty train journey more enjoyable then being in the same carriage as two teenage boys who've obviously never been on a train before. A note to anyone who ever sees me on a train, if you decide to randomly start acting like a retard on speed, I will beat you to death with my horribly over-priced and useless phone. The two lads on that train got away with it, from now on, it's beatings for everyone else.


I heart Edinburgh - everyone is really friendly. And a 'real' friendly, not like that scary fake "I'm-only-being-nice-because-I'm-on-commission" friendly that you get in NY. We decided to try and get our Sidekicks unlocked by T-mobile to see if we could get the internet working while we were there. I've never wanted to buy a stranger a box of chocolates more then I did in that T-mobile shop - The manager and all the staff spent well over an hour trying to sort out our phones for us, while letting me use the staff phone to ring around to try and sort out a hotel. Unfortunately, between the fact that our phones are T-mobile USA, not UK, and the fact that T-mobile now no longer sell Sidekicks, we didn't get them sorted. Sad face.


[ I've found a niche market ]


I did however get to prance around HMV Princes St, which made me happy. I spent most of my teens in HMV buying CDs, so any excuse to go in there makes me happy. *Prance* We specifically went in to find out where the HMV Picture House was, to get tickets for Metric and Enter Shikari. I love the staff in that HMV, they were lovely last year too - the boy came out from behind the counter and directed me to the venue using air-hostess style gestures. HMV should give their staff special HMV brand boxers with the pink logo printed all over them, because 90% of their male employees wear their trousers around their knees. Stylish. I should submit my designs to HMV HQ. Plan.


"I don't want to alarm you but.... "


We found the Picture House anyway and got all our tickets, then went on an epic journey to find a hotel. You'd think we'd of learned our lesson from not booking last year (we ended up in some shit-hole that looked like something from a B-Movie horror film - it was called The Osbourne, should you ever be looking for hotels to avoid in Edinburgh). After getting turned away from several rubbish hotels we were told to go to The Holiday Inn (which it turns out is actually around £250 a night, so no thanks) and on the way there we came across the greatest gay pride hotel in the history of gay pride hotels. Let the record show that I'm not gay, but for £70 for a room nicer then my whole flat, I can be persuaded. We could only get the room for the one night, so we decided to stay there and then get somewhere else in the morning. This place was amazeballs. They had male arse-print designs on the tables in the bar.


Metric are alright


So we went and showered and got all dolled up and headed out - via taxi because it was pissing rain - to the HMV picture house, which is like a rather fabulous cross between The Ambassador and The Academy main room in Dublin. The only downfall of the Picture House is they go mad at you if you want to go outside and smoke, and the drinks are hella expensive. We went to see Metric, who we only went to see because at the time we booked the flights, I had just started getting into them so I gave Debbie a load of their stuff and we decided they were alright enough to go and see. The only songs I was bothered about hearing live were "Gold Guns Girls" and "Gimme Sympathy" and I got to hear em both. Holla! It's not that Metric are bad, they're just a bit... blah. I've heard it before, and I wasn't that bothered then either.


The crowd was such an odd mix of randomers and wankers. I don't care if you have work in the morning Mr Day Job, get your elbow out of my spine lest you want to know what it feels like to receive anal from a WKD bottle. For such a quiet gig, there was an awful lot of pushing and shoving. Down with that sort of thing. If you wanna mosh, then let's roll, if not, then piss of and get out of my personal space. After eating the worlds biggest bacon and cheeseburger in Hardrock Cafe, I was going into labour with a food baby - and it hurt. So I couldn't drink and I was a little bit crabby. Also, the two of us had now been up around 16 hours and were starting to get tired. We managed to get a seat at one of the tables for the last half of the gig. Maybe it was just because I was incredibly tired but Metric seemed to play for much longer then bands usually do.


We decided to skip out before the encore, and headed back to out gay pride hotel where we were informed there was a big gay singles night on. It actually seemed pretty full, and had we not of been bolloxed, we would've gone. We intended to go upstairs, get changed and go gay clubbing, but we ended up scalding ourselves on chocolate croissants and watching Jimmy Carr. Next thing I know my alarm is going off and Debbie has her arm draped across my face. Shower, get dressed, do hair, do makeup, pack up and off we went to find a new hotel.






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